Dear Calvin, You’re pretty excited about heading off to uni, eh? Off to start studying Popular Music Production at Huddersfield. It’s going to be an extremely complex couple of years for you, with plenty of ups and downs, and to help you navigate these, I’ve written you a little list of helpful tips.
It’s September 2012, Netflix is about to get really, really big. Leave your entire collection of DVDs at home, trust me. You’re going to end up carting those big storage boxes of DVDs from your halls in first year, to the flat above a pharmacy in that sketchy part of Huddersfield in second year, then all the way back home the year after that, without watching a single one.
Put money on Wigan beating Man City in the 2013 FA Cup Final, I know, I know, just do it. Do me, future Calvin, a massive favour and save up your whole student loan and stick it all on Wigan.
Don’t be overly argumentative with your first year flatmate, because it will escalate wildly. Yes, rolling up a 3ft tall ball of snow and placing it up against said flatmate’s door, so that it melts into their room overnight is indeed objectively hilarious, but is it a measured response to them swapping your sugar and salt around that one time? Probably not.
Avoid karaoke bars on Sunday nights. If you don’t, you’re going to get bitten on the face by a short, angry, bald man in McDonald’s at 1am. You’re going to have a short, angry bald man in McDonald’s tell you ‘you taste nice’, whilst wiping your blood off his face. You’re going to have to give a statement in your kitchen to a police officer eating a cold Big Mac at 1:30am. At 1:35am you’re going to have that very same police officer repeat back to you, your own words “And then he told me ‘you taste nice”.
Go to Fresher’s fair and get involved in something! You’re going to join Ultimate Frisbee in final year, and wish you’d joined earlier. Yes, you heard me right, Ultimate Frisbee, the greatest sport on earth. You won’t be very good at the actual sport itself, but you’ll be really rather excellent at all the drinking that happens afterwards (and sometimes during).
Don’t be too scared of post graduation life. You might not realise it at the time, but you’ve really missed being home. It’s easy to think ‘I can just stay here! I’ll get a flat, and it’ll be amazing!’, and I’m not saying it wouldn’t be amazing, at all. The pull you feel towards staying in Huddersfield is a strong one, but you’re going to start an entirely different chapter of your life, post graduation life will present you with opportunities you spent your GCSEs dreaming of.
The transition won’t be the easiest either, but when you accept it, and allow it to happen, you’ll remember the time you spent in Huddersfield as special, and the people you met as even more so. So Calvin, remember that when it comes to it, it’s okay to grieve losing the day to day constant contact with your flatmates, coursemates, and teammates, to mourn the loss of the of Student Finance text message, and to scatter the ashes of midweek drinking over the sheer cliff edge of adult life, you’ll be alreet in the end.